I have been single for the past year and some months...... i have dated around, met a ton of guys... tried a few of them on.. with no luck.

A few months ago i met a guy and we totally hit it off personality wise. He is nice,sweet,funny,charming,thoughtfull,caring and adores me and my kids.....so why did it take me this long????

My head... its all in my head. I have tended to find excuses and look for flaws i could not live with... why you ask? Because i was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt and stepped on again. This man has stood by my side and not given up on me or my kids in the hopes he would have a shot and a chance at happiness with crazy lil me and my crazy world.

Ok, ok, ok... i finally mauled over it long enough and decided to give this a shot. I have said yes to him and i have let my guard down once again. Slowly but its coming down. I am going to over look the petty shit and try this relationship thing out again.

Good guys finish last was the statment i made to him last night... lets see if this lasts....

One can only hope....i do care for him alot.

Strength is defined as noun:   the property of being physically or mentally strong (Example: "Fatigue sapped his strength"). I have never claimed to be a strong person physically but everyone i know claims i am a very strong person.

I know that i have strength when it comes to enduring and dealing with life's curve balls. When it comes to my children, finances, family issues, standing my ground on issues ect........

But i have never seen myself to be a strong person when it comes to relationships and making the correct decisions when it comes to the opposite sex. Which is sad because that is the one area that drives the rest of most people's lives.

Within the last two year i feel as if i have grown in that department. I have observed myself making better choices when it comes to relationships. Telling people how i feel and standing my ground on being true to myself. I always make it a point to never play games. To be honest no matter what the outcome and keep the other person completely in the loop so they can make an educated decision for themselves.

A few weeks ago i met a guy as a result of a night of fun and drinking. I called him my mystery man due to the fact that he kissed me passionately and then left into the darkness never knowing if i would speak to him again. He had me captivated with that kiss for days to come, to the point that i had to track him down.

I did find him, just to find out he was in a very complicated situation himself. He is in love with a woman that was involved with another man. The other man is supposedly leaving town so that they can be together. I personally smell a ticking time bomb for him. But i am not one to be a home wrecker and expressed friendship to him but nothing more.

Last night we went out for a drink so to spend some time together and just get to know one another a bit. He has an amazing personality that compliments mine very well. It was very apparent that we were attracted to one another just based on the subtle touches of the hand, the eye gazing moments and the smiles that followed.

He leaned in for the kiss at the end of the evening, and i receprocated, and it was just as amazing as the first time i recall....i was STRONG... I pulled away and looked him in the eyes and stated that i would NEVER be the other woman for one and he needed to reevaluate where he stood. If his heart was truly elsewhere as he stated from the first time we truly spoke then he should not be this easily distracted by another woman. And i went home!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strength........to do the right thing no matter how big the tempation.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands- and then eat just one of the pieces.
Judith Viorst

I am going to speak in a foreign language to many of you, the language of my office.

Corporate rolled out a new piece of software this past Monday which is doing nothing but creating issues for us as agents.

As of Monday they rolled out the software AIM's which stands for Agency Integration Management. It is supposed to raise productivity and simplify our lives as agents. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ the buzzer goes off because they could not be anymore incorrect.

They have us using it over a remote desktop which is installed onto our Desktop, We are operation on a desktop in Cleveland Ohio along side with every state in this country that has a Titan office that is also working off of the same desktop. If anyone has ever used remote assistance on any program they are aware it already comes with a minor lag when relaying date from one machine to another... now take that and times it by oh lets say 40x and you have our machines.. which are already neanderthal machines to begin with..

According to our IT office individuals in the company have already quit over this software and i do not blame them.

With the lag for starters, then they have us doing so many extra stupid steps that were never needed previouse... we are losing out on time to sell our product due to being more concerned that the company needs two copies of this and a log of that and it needs to be done like this and doen like that... in the mean time.. clients are not being called back and leads are going cold because we do not have any time to call any one back. We are to worried about what the CORPORATE OFFICE will say or which files they will house.

And these are the towers we shall build our company upon.... what a FUCKING JOKE.

Text Messaging

Text Messaging - also called SMS (Short Message Service) - allows short text messages to be sent and received on a mobile phone.

Messages can be sent from one phone to another by addressing the message to the recipient's phone number.

Messages can also usually be sent to a phone via a special email address, through the carrier's web site, or with special messaging software and a modem.

Most phones and carriers also allow messages to be sent from a phone directly to an email address.

See: SM

I ACTUALLY FOUND THIS DEFINITION ON A WEBSITE.... I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY, I AM CURIOUS TO SEE IF YOU DO.......

Just feeling a bit deeper this morning but at a loss of words on how to express what it is i am feeling.

Why do we need relationships? As a species we are a social creature. We NEED people. I can understand children needing parents, sick needing someone to take care of them etc... .but why do we NEED people? What need does it fulfill to have someone to love and to hold and blah blah blah....

Do you know what is considered to be one of the greatest punishments in the world? It is solitary confinement. Why? Because you cannot stand being alone for extended periods. Since thinking is creating, you would stop creating your reality, because your mind must have data in order to create. You call your mind's creations conclusions, and when it could not come to any conclusions, you would leave it - you would go " out of your mind". So, why do we need relationships? - Because they are sacred. They are the most important aspects of our lives and lives of others, because it is through relationships that we express and experience who we are and who we choose to be.

People+Needing+People

Let’s move on and find out what we don’t know about the most sacred part of our lives - relationships.  The rules are easy, yet to master them you will need a lot of patience and persistence.

It was Friday night and there wasn’t a sound in the house

Not a child, not a dog, not even a mouse

The WHO mother sat on the computer typing

Listening to her friends who were all griping

But this is what she loves to do

To be there for her friends who suffer

Because she knows even on a Friday night too

Sometimes the strongest need a buffer

So first off, i tried it and made spaghetti con speck e pangrattato, it was ABSOLUTLEY AMAZING... IF YOU GET A CHANCE... MAKE IT!!!!!!!

Then i had my ex boyfriend walk into my work today to pick up a video of his daughter i found in my stash... we talked for a bit... uncomfortable i must say.

It was monday so i worked but work was boring and unproductive.

Seeing my blog was a bit backwards on my times of when things occured i will finish off with THE PILLOW FELT SO GOOD I DIDNT WANT TO GET UP......

Good morning.

Timelapse foto..... cooolll

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