Malyssa’s Neighborhood

So... I am feeling an onset of laziness as it applies to this "blog" again...

what would you like to see written about?
No subject is taboo... for example... the post How did we get here from there? was user generated... by one of my favorite readers I might add.

or this one... which shows my ability to take any one idea and run it straight into the ground -> Poor Helena

Nothing is impossible or too far fetched or too weird or too silly.
Shoot me a message or leave a comment... I would like to see what your brain makes for me to create.

This is my daily collection of tweets from my Twitter Page! I would LOVE to have everyone following me on twitter. Tweet me.

• 09:02 Keeping it real in the ICU :o) Getting ready to take a patient to MRI #
• 19:25 Poked by a dirty needle sucks big monkey balls. Just sayin #
• 21:28 @thirtydaes yeah it is. Got the blood work going though. It'll work itself out however it works out. #
• 21:30 Talked with my dad tonight which is always awesome. Now just hanging out with Jadyn. #

Is everyone knowing everything going to breed some kind of utopia?

I doubt it.

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I used to be hung-up on the need to be successful.  That is, until I took a daring step into the unknown and discovered the difference between attaining success and successful living. While others achieve transcendence while trekking in Tibet or living among indigenous tribes in the Amazon rain forest, my spiritual epiphany began with a move to Munich, where I didn't know a soul or speak the language. (Does gesundheit count?) In that move I learned to follow my inner guidance, surrender to life, and trust that I am safe and taken care of regardless of where I am in the world. I discovered that life is meant to be an adventure, and that only when we step out of our comfort zone can our dreams become a reality.I was 31 and living in Southern California. Despite many wonderful friends, a rental house near the beach, a sports car, a busy psychotherapy practice, and a lucrative speaking and consulting business, I wasn't happy. Mostly, that was due to my ever-present quest for success. I dressed to succeed (according the popular book on that topic), drove the car a successful person would drive, and constantly thought about what I needed to do next on that seductive road to bigger and better achievements. I worked too much, and played too little. Though I exercised at a gym (for successful people, of course) took yoga classes, and meditated regularly, there was little peace in my life. I was driven by the fear that if I stopped for a moment, someone else would take the place that was waiting for me at the top of the mountain. I was surprised to receive the message, "move to Munich" in response to my inner plea for clarity, guidance, and direction. But when the inspiration came through, I decided to "go for it" and see where it would lead me. My transatlantic move was both the scariest and most exciting thing I had ever done. I took nine weeks off to travel by myself to Europe (I had never been there) and look for work at the same time. Five months later I closed my business, sold or gave away everything I owned, and moved to a small, furnished apartment in Munich to teach psychology for an American university.One of the first things I noticed after my overseas move was that I had taken myself with me. There I was, six thousand miles from home, and recreating the same negative patterns that I had hoped to leave behind. Unfortunately, this made it difficult for me to blame my unhappiness on my life circumstances. Clearly, my life was not going to be truly satisfying until I looked within and changed some old, familiar ways of being in the world. The most important thing I did was to redefine success for myself. Instead of always pursuing some illusive, future goal, I decided that success for me would be having nice days. Each morning, I thought of ways in which I could make that day special. I began to appreciate the music of the distant church bells chiming in my neighborhood, the delicious smell of fresh bread in a local bakery, and the light cast within my tiny apartment, with snowflakes falling outside my window on silent winter afternoons. With spring, I rode my bike along the banks of the Isar River, captivated by the beauty of nature and the magnificent, old buildings that line its banks. I anonymously walked the streets of the city, and discovered favorite cobblestone passageways leading deep into the ancient past. Each night, as I lay in bed, I asked myself the question: "Did I have a nice day?" If I did, I considered myself successful. During this time, I discovered that I didn't need lots of money or possessions to live abundantly. I earned little, owned almost nothing, and didn't even have a car (unheard of in Southern California, freeway capital of the world!) Yet, I found with a little economizing I was still able to travel to Denmark, France, Greece, Cypress, and Italy for glorious experiences. I stopped identifying myself by my accomplishments or income level, and even stopped dressing for success (oh, sweet relief!) Although I made new friends from many cultures, I found that I was contented simply being with me. Not surprisingly, just when I was completely at peace within myself, I met a wonderful man who has been my life partner ever since. Life has taken its inevitable twists and turns since then, bringing new joys and challenges along the way. Thanks to my time in Munich, I strive to say "yes" to life whenever possible. I have come to believe that we live our best lives when we act courageously in accordance with the magnificent guidance within us. There are enormous blessings which accompany our willingness to say "yes" to the opportunities life places on our doorstep. Although these opportunities never come with written guarantees that all will be fine, in my experience, when we risk following our inspiration, life unfolds even more perfectly than we ever imagined.

This is my daily collection of tweets from my Twitter Page! I would LOVE to have everyone following me on twitter. Tweet me.

• 10:07 Good morning. Jadyn and I are eating breakfast. What should we do today? #
• 10:14 @Larzzzz thanks :) where's that? #
• 10:21 Just read that twitter just accquired summize. Summize was my "go to" while twitter was shaky. Hope summize stays stable :) #
• 11:11 @Tiggr what's that? #
• 13:29 Pandora on the iPhone or Touch IS the greatest app ever. period. #
• 17:22 At Saint Alphonsus library to work on my homework :) I think I need to get a little caffeinated before I get going #

1. Have you ever noticed that sun-dried tomatoes and peyote look remarkably similar? Not really suggesting anything here, I am just saying.
2. To get that much sought after promotion at work... subscribe to a bounty of porn magazines with your rivals name and your workplace address.
3. Need to get through the checkout line faster ? Remove things from the cart in front of you and gently point out that they seem to have everything they need for cake... and yet no eggs.
4. Kids keeping you up at night with their "nightmares", just tell them that if they don't close their eyes and be quiet Jesus will die.
5. Tired of being invited to your friends "art openings" at cafe's ? Send out an e-vite for folks to come view what you left in the toilet this morning.
6.  Annoying vegetarian friends? Invite them over for dinner and try veggie rumaki: wrap a strip of imitation bacon around a water chestnut, spear with a toothpick, and broil—but instead of imitation bacon use real bacon, and instead of a water chestnut use veal.
7. Ex won't stop calling you? Go ahead and email those nude pictures to their mother.
8. At your friends house and their kids are driving you crazy? Give them caffeine pills and leave. That will teach them to use birth control.
9. Have a friend who drinks too much? Tie them to a chair and drink an entire bottle of whiskey in front of them. Then maybe have sex with their spouse, that's up to you.
10. Is mom giving you grief on the holidays because you are "still single"? Next Thanksgiving, bring a prostitute.

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Now I am not one to disparage a tasty treat... frozen novelty or otherwise... but my recent exposure to Popsicle brand popsicles has been a sever plight on my daily existence. Some of you may be familiar with this particular brand of popsicle for the unique fact that there are jokes hidden under the treat itself on the pospsicle stick. These jokes have been wandering around the house for a few days since a buy one get one free deal at Safeway got us 48 orange, grape and cherry flavored pops to help alleviate our hangovers after the 4th of July. They helped rehydrate us but the jokes hurt our hearts and minds in such a defening wave of badness that I can't help but stand up and cry "shame on you Popsicle brand popsicles!!!".
Last night I spent a little time on their website trying desperatly to understand how they can show me one reason not to go after them and their jokes... I found nothing but a little history and also managed to earn my Popsicle P.H.D., dissapointingly refered to as a "pop quiz"...
ok and now the jokes... so you can see where I am coming from.

Q: What do you call a really funny snake?
A: Hiss-terical

Q: What kind of phone does a turtle have?
A: A Shell-ular phone.

Q: What does a car wear when it's cold?
A: A Car-digan

Okay I am going to stop there for a minute and point out that the intelectual level of a person that would find these jokes "Hiss-terical" wouldn't be able to read... might not even be able to hold a popsicle well enough to eat it. I was further dissapointed by their website when I saw that there was nowhere to submit jokes, the royalties from getting printed on even a small percentage of the 1.4 billion popsicles produced by them per year could easily pave an easy life for myself.
I would like to offer up to the good people at Popsicle a few submissions of my own anyway.

Q: What does a cloud wear under it's clothes?
A: Thunderwear

Q:What happens when two slugs fight?
A: They slug it out.

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: You climb in a tree and act like a nut.

Already I am better than them... and I'm not even trying.

Before I leave you today, I am going to share the worst joke that we came across printed on a popsicle stick... the pure irony and contradictory nature of this joke caused me to roll on the floor in pain... my soul hurt after hearing this joke not only the first time but every remaining time after that ( we ran into some repeats in the 48 pops).

are you ready?
sit down... take a deep breath... and take a sedative because this is going to twist you up...

Q: What time is it when you are out of ice cream?

*now if I was a corporation with so little shame that I printed horrible jokes along side of my product, dragging down the quality of the product itself (similar to bad service with great food) I would go ahead and make a shameless plug here and dictate in the answer A: Time to buy some Popsicle brand popsicles ( who needs ice cream when you have a popsicle?) Think about it, advertise on your own product... makes perfect sense. Cheap and effective. However that is not the direction they chose... hope you are ready.

A:Time to get more ice cream.

Do you see the problem here?
Am I the only one in the universe that finds this dissapointing?

Please rejuvinate me with good jokes and by helping me begin a grass roots letter writing campaign to Popsicle telling them to shape up or ship out... please. I didn't sleep at all last night.

Time to get more ice cream!?!?

Pet Boxers, although low-maintenance, require your consistent attention, exercise, human interaction, consistent obedience training and lots of love. You cannot leave them to their own design for too long or they get lonely, bored and into trouble.
Being a big and strong dog as well as a highly intelligent one, Boxers need both physical and mental stimulations to keep them even-tempered and dignified while still keeping their impish spirit and fearless courage in tact.
How to keep Boxer out of trouble
Their high prey drive (some owners called it play drive) needs proper outlets or they could get destructive as house pets, and tend to fight among themselves especially if the other family Boxers are of the same sex. The female, it seems, is more aggressive than the male.
Keeping Boxers busy is the best way to keep them out of trouble! Tire them out with long walks, 3 times a day. Give them plenty of exercise, play with them, especially the inquisitive puppies or they would tear up your home out of boredom, pent up energy and frustration.
For all your love and caring, be prepared for wet slobbery drool and kisses and love in return.
What some proud owners say about their pet Boxers:
* "Having a Boxer is like having another human in a dog body with you. You can talk to Boxers and they would understand. They demonstrate feelings just like human does. If they are loved, they will love and protect you."
* "Boxers are the most loyal companions. My Boxers bring me up when I am down. They are the canine clowns of the dog world. They are the only dogs for me."
* "They are a gift! The two I have are always smiling and they cheer me up when IÆm not too happy. They can be your friends for life!"
* "My Boxer can take up my moods or lay quietly by my feet for hours."

* "Boxers are so intuitive, so easily bored and heartbroken. They are the definition of devotion and courage."
* "If I treat my Boxer puppy as an intelligent animal and talk to him almost like he's human, he is more responsive and better behaved, as though he's picking up on my sentiments by the way I am speaking to him."
* "Boxers can be very manipulative. They are a lot smarter than they look! DonÆt get taken in by their innocent-looking face or let them walk all over you no matter how much their eyes make them look like they are truly sorry."
* "Give up being house-proud and enjoy your "devil dog". DonÆt have potted plants because youÆll end up with empty pots. DonÆt run to answer the phone because youÆll be rugby-tackled and end up flat on your face."
* "Bringing a puppy or even an older dog into your home and your life is a major decision. It brings with it responsibility and commitment, but it also renders supreme joy, laughter, and sadly, but inevitably, tears. Not one of us who has ever shared his life with a Boxer would have it any other way."
* "Boxer dogs think they are human. Treat them like one - love them, talk to them, cuddle them and value them and you will get your love back unconditionally 10,000 times."
Need products and supplies for your dogs? Visit http://www.mypetanimals.com/Dogs/ today!

This is my daily collection of tweets from my Twitter Page! I would LOVE to have everyone following me on twitter. Tweet me.

• 06:05 Watched Hellboy II last night and it was in my top three movies this summer :) Off to work #
• 06:07 Watched Hellboy II last night and it was in my top three movies this summer :) Off to work #

(I sometimes wonder if there is a theme on Sunday, that even I don't see.)

(is there?)